The road God has me and my family on right now is amazing, yes at times it is stressful because there is a lot of work involved, but also rewarding because the work that is involved, it is our work our future and our dreams. I'll admit it is not easy and its not always fun to feel alone on a long road. I feel as if I need to share more about our year about what's in my head its deep and it gets personal but its real and I know I haven't been real in a long time. So here goes:
Yes, I love being a wife and a mom ok I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it and our family time is sacred always has been even when we've been criticized for it we still made it our priority. sometimes I say I'm safer in my bubble, and my dad said to me the other day be careful, that's a dangerous place to be.
I would be lost without my best friend and husband by my side, he is there with every step or sometimes leap I make. He is everything to me and he knows and understands that I have something inside of me that always strives to go, do and be more than I am today. It's not that I'm unhappy its the opposite. I'm so happy I can't stop, I want to see what is around the next turn and up the next mountain. He gets me completely, that its never about the money, status or recognition its about me following the little fire that started in my heart so many years ago, the time when I thought I wasn't anything special.
Yes, to think back to look around and think more than once "I have nothing that makes me stand out I'm not talented in that area or gifted to speak with eloquence" actually I got told I think and process differently due to my dyslexia that I misunderstand people more often than not leaving me to feel less than others, thinking it must be my "thinking" that is the problem. Let me state that there is nothing wrong with my thinking. I'm very aware of what people say and think about me and it actually has made me more aware of others sensitivities and insecurities. I'm not saying I'm always the nicest or least judgmental person but that's between me and God and I'm working on that.
What I am trying to say is sometimes the people that think they know you the best no nothing about the real you, what makes you tick and what makes you cry and praise God, but the negative buttons to press they know every last one of those.
Stand in a room and ask people what they think you are good at, your talents, your gifts...I did that with the closest people in my life and they couldn't come up with one thing...ouch! Then one says "you encourage people" but we will never support that part of you and what you do, we don't need that. I was crushed in my old age a grown adult crushed that I am not seen as anything special or bring anything of worth to my own family. True story, but then I took that to prayer and I am a child of God and that alone makes me special and a treasure. I don't need to prove it to anyone here on earth.
I know when I wake up that if I follow my heart and it falls directly in line with the Word of God than I am who I am and I am where I need to be and I'm feeling more and more like me again although sometimes a bit lonely because I have had to purge friendships that did not glorify and edify my testimony.
Now, if I was asked by the women in the mirror what makes her special, her gifts and talents. I would say to her "you love life and although you might see the world through rose colored glasses sometimes ,that's ok; you are looking at the world in all of its splendor and it's possibilities, that this is a world in need of less judgment and more of Jesus, but you can't share Jesus without being who you are and you've been hiding. What makes you, is the person that reaches others through their health, their fitness, their need to feel better even when they don't see it, you are good at planting seeds of the what if and the life of tomorrow and all it can bring. You are the girl that gets up and goes when needed, the one that will give until there isn't much left of you.
Jesus created me, Joy to be just that not a martyr but an up-lifter and encourager to accept people where they are but not to leave them there, to accept and encourage yes thought living a healthier life a life of passion and mission that you aren't created to live unhappy, unhealthy and tired of the everyday. NO you where created to rejoice to raise your voice to praise the one who created you and created this world for us to live in and be a part of.
I know we all are created in His image but with different gifts, talents and characters my prayer is for you and me this year is to not look at someone else's mission or calling as not important. It might not be yours, you might not understand one bit of it, but if it's aligned with God's word please stop and pray for both the person and the mission to be blessed. For this is what the true body of Christ does for one another, we lift each other and our callings in prayer.
I'm grateful to be broken, to feel less than normal and alone but to finally feel His hand start to lift me up again, I have asked God to be real in my life again and this year I feel so alive that I'm scared and excited to see what next year brings.
"Be still and know that I am God" I am being still because I trust my God.
Happy New Year 2015 Friends!
Joy
Glorifying God through Faith, Family, Fitness
