Ever try to "change" your spouse, to make them become better or different how'd that go?

Ever try to "change" your spouse, to make them become better or different how'd that go? 

After sitting in a conference last week listening to Chalene Johnson speak, I had so many stories come to mind about my own marriage and me trying to leap into my dreams and leaving my husband behind after 10 years of marriage and 14 years together our communication is great but sometimes I'm the only one talking...not that he doesn't want to, I just have a hard time staying quiet long enough for him to voice his opinion. 

Well, I have learned from many years of my own marriage and coaching many women that if we keep trying to do things different or wanting to see a change in their lives, health, job, finances, family dynamics etc. that we often experience pain and give up, the let down and devastation when one goes after a goal without bringing their spouse along is devastating to not only the person wanting to do things but the spouse that feels left behind.

When making a change in your own self and future you need to think of how your spouse perceives your desire for change, you taking the steps to change yourself, can be just as scary to them as you trying to change them, the thought that you might change or become different and not desire them anymore is a real threat to any marriage, so we sit in unhappiness instead of communicating our desires out of fear.  And so I encourage you to have a real heart to heart with your spouse about your reasons for taking on a personal development course, a fitness class or nutrition challenge or simple wanting to be more than you are now. Not to be a different you but to be the real you, the one you feel is on the inside waiting to come out and live. 

Take the time reduce the fears for both of you and gain the support you need from within your home and relationship. Growth in one person and not the other can be scary and can cause separation of you and your spouse or family but guess what it doesn't have to. I guarantee if you talk things out share your goals genuinely and ask for your spouse to join you or invite him or her to think about something they'd like to do so you can support them on that adventure.
communicating and working together makes your relationship so much better in all areas if you know what I mean.  

Life begins when you give yourself permission to be the real you. 

Coach Joy 

Action step: plan a date night this week with your spouse, share your heart in a positive way and see what happens. don't try changing them but bring them along with you. 

Chalene's note: Bring the other along from "Mine to Ours" and watch not only your life change but your marriage get stronger than ever.

I would love to hear about your goals and your date night click here to share your best tips for a happy marriage

My best friend for life

Renew your goals: Success or Failure It's Your Choice

Happy 1st day of Summer

So today I'm going to do a 6 month check-up on my 2014 goals. I invite you to do the same, because the hype of the New Year and resolutions are just a few faded memories that sounded good at the time, we dreamed of the what if's. The I'd be debt free, I'd be fit for summer, I'd have my degree, I'd be off my medications, I'd have enough money for our family vacation, I'd be in a church family. I'd be married, I'd be starting a family.

First step of my review: Do my goals align with what God is showing me He wants for my life?

I know this is my hardest questions because I tend to have the "I'll do it myself thought" and then God says "hello, I'm still here and in control and this is not the time, the situation, or your choice, it's mine" So first and foremost bring your goals and dreams to prayer and ask for God to guide and direct you in your life. He wants the best for you, but he always wants your complete obedience along the way. I have to tell myself He wants to give me the desires of my heart, but only when my desires begin and end with Him as the center of my life. I can not expect Him to bless my life if I only sit and ask things of Him without asking Him to take part in my daily life.

Secondly I must ask if they are what I feel God wants me to do, my calling and mission than why am I not giving it my all?

I can sit here and blame so many things, someone told me I couldn't, I don't like being told no, I'm not good at this, I don't have the right people in my life, I'm not good enough, I'm too busy, I'm not creative, I thought I was outgoing...I'm not, too many upsets.

You might want to blame the world, blame your job, blame the busy gym, blame the church for making you "feel unwelcomed" or the school for not having classes that "fit" into our schedule, our family situation was not ideal to make things happen, we ran out of money before the month. Yes, all those are real life situations, so ask yourself how did you use those inconveniences and feelings, as excuses to throw in the towel? or as a catalyst to get out and get it done, to find a new way?

Making things happen is usually inconvenient why? because we take ourselves out of our comfort zone and it's not a popular place to be. To succeed you must reach failure, not to throw in the towel and give up, but to make the choices to push through and make it happen to get up and move past your failures. I've had more failures in my life than I can even get on here, but I'm learning that with each failure I turn to love it and push pass the urge to give up and change my goals, .If I did that I would be choosing to keep myself wishing, hoping and dreaming for the "What Ifs". God will Bless the path you chose if you are walking it with him by your side, if it's not the path for you He will start putting of road blocks, I didn't say inconveniences or a few pebbles to step over. I mean real hard road blocks that will leave you with no other choice but to say "I need a new direction God". You will find that a different path might lead you to your goal but it's with a new purpose at the end. All we do should point to Him; His love, His Compassion, His Salvation, His Guidance and His strength for we can do nothing truly well without Him.

Today think back on your 2014 goals and resolutions are you even close to checking off 1? if not why? Renew yourself today first to God ask Him to be your leader and your partner on this path and allow yourself to fall and fail, but get back up and keep pushing forward for in the pushing you will succeed. you will fall, you will fail and you will be tempted to give up but if you don't you will be stronger and on your way to success, you're future self with thank you.

JoyForFitness - Glorifying God through faith, family & fitness